議。只是用你的話來反映對方的心情,這個是有點技巧的,不是簡單的重復(fù)。
當然僅僅這個階段,也是不夠的。當對方心情平靜時,或者誤解基本消除時,或者逐漸建立信任時,就要進行判斷、探究原因、給出你的看法(judge、probe、give answer from your viewpoint)等等。這也就是上面提過的Autobiographic響應(yīng)。
這里有十個步驟讓我們變成一個Empathic Listener
1). Practice saying, "Take your time, I'm listening," and really mean it.
2). Set aside your own agenda.
3). Be available and receptive emotionally as well as through body language.
4). Try to appreciate the other person's point of view.
5). Listen without being in a hurry to take over.
6). Try to imagine yourself in the other's place; feel what the speaker feels.
7). Help draw out thought and feeling by asking questions.
8). Have the speaker elaborate for further understanding.
9). Say, "Let me make sure I understand," and then restate the issue.
10). Be sensitive to the speaker's feelings.
所以Empathic listener不是一個簡單重復(fù)別人說的話的機械過程。成為這種人需要花時間,但是值得你去花時間。你從下面的層次也可以看出來難度。呵呵
傾聽Listening也是有層次的。如下所示:
1). Ignoring:Making no effort to listen
2). Pretend Listening: Making believe or giving the appearance you are listening.
3). Selective Listening: Hearing only the parts of the conversation that interest you.
4.) Attentive Listening: Paying attention and focusing on what the speaker says, and comparing that to your own experiences.
5.) Empathic Listening: Listening and responding with both the heart and mind to understand the speaker's words, intent, and feelings.
Covey說:"Everyone's life is so sin
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